The Real Happy Steve (Part 1 of ???)

I've decided to divide this up into parts, because if I try to make one massive post, it'll never get done.

Also I don't have a clue as to how this will end up. Plot outlines are what?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is a story. This is a story about an individual named Happy Steve. Happy Steve was a curious child, so let us start from the beginning. He was born with a helium balloon for a head, which, ever since he was a baby, he has had to hold down with his right hand to keep from floating away. It was rather unfortunate, but he was not born with the customary string that would normally allow a balloon to be tied down. Alas, how cruel life can be sometimes, but I digress.

It is unknown why his parents named him Happy Steve, but he could not have received a more fitting name. He looked eternally happy - largely due to the big smiley face that was printed on his balloon head.

Due to the rather fragile nature of his head, Happy Steve's life was not always peaches and cream. His parents, being the responsible and caring people that they were, quickly removed all pointy objects from their household, to prevent little baby Happy Steve from getting into any accidents. This meant that little baby Happy Steve essentially grew up in a McDonald's ballpit. His childhood years passed by rather normally, aside from the quirks associated with his peculiar condition. While one would think it would cause him to be the victim of bullying as a child, after an incident where a dart thrown at his head missed and embedded itself in his unfortunate third grade teacher's rear, the teasing stopped. Everyone soon grew to love Happy Steve and his unchanging warm smile.

The best way to learn about Happy Steve, in this humble biographer's opinion, is to illustrate for you, the reader, the many achievements in Happy Steve's life. Therefore, I have decided to skip over some not-so-key events and go straight to his first major adventure.

One day (this day happened to be Happy Steve's birthday), when Happy Steve was walking down the street, minding his own business, a stray laser throwing star flew by his head and embedded itself in a nearby tree. And by embedded I mean it burned straight through and left a laser throwing star shaped hole in the trunk, because that's what lasers are supposed to do. Anyway, soon after, Happy Steve found himself being chased by three future robot ninjas from a parallel dimension. This was a very bad thing because ninjas often carry very pointy weapons that are dangerous for Happy Steve. Well, they are dangerous to most people, but extra super dangerous to Happy Steve in particular, because of his balloon headedness. As for the future robot ninja part, he knew they were from a future parallel dimension because they were robots, and because ninjas no longer existed in our world. Also since the robot ninjas were from a future parallel dimension, they had cool things like beam katanas. And laser throwing stars.

Suddenly, there was a bright flash of light, and three burly bearded men appeared. They all had eyepatches and peg legs, but also wore horned helmets and carried rather intimidating battleaxes. It is still unknown to historians today what they exactly were or where they came from, so for the duration of this biography, I will refer to them as the Pirate-Vikings. The lead future robot ninja from a parallel dimension (Happy Steve could tell he was the lead ninja because he wore a fancier face mask than the other two future robot ninjas from a parallel dimension) then yelled something in what was presumably future robot Japanese and lunged at the largest Pirate-Viking. The other two future robot ninjas from a parallel dimension soon followed, and the quiet city streets became filled with the sounds of beam katanas clashing with mighty Pirate-Viking axes.

As all this went down, you can imagine reader, that Happy Steve was left in a rather difficult situation. He had two choices: to run away as far as possible, or save the world. Happy Steve stood and watched the ninja robot on pirate-viking mayhem unfold as he pondered this difficult decision.

Luckily for the world, a loud disembodied voice (think Morgan Freeman) suddenly boomed down from the sky. "Happy Steve! You are the chosen one. Fulfill your destiny and stop the future robot ninjas from a parallel dimension and the [Pirate-Vikings] from destroying the Earth." A bright column of light then beamed down from the sky in front of Happy Steve.

Happy Steve, unable to turn down Morgan Freeman, walked into this column of light and began his epic journey.

Now, you readers may find all this hard to believe, but I assure you, I have attempted to retell the events in Happy Steve's glorious life to the best of my ability. Thank you for taking a moment to read the work of this humble biographer, and I hope to see you all next time.