Casanova

Wash; Shampoo; Reach down there, yes, down there; Lather; Rinse; Dry; Put that hand down!; Shave, don't forget to shave; Your date is today, make sure to rehearse your lines; Put that hand down, Do NOT touch that hair; It's disgusting; Put on some extra layers to look bulkier; Let's go over this one more time; Just like the book told you; This is how you make a good impression; Open the door before she walks in; Wipe off the seat and table before she sits down; Do not cringe if she orders a full meal; Order something with her; Now is not the time for your anorexia; Take the hit to your wallet like a man; Don't bother with exact change; Tip the cashier; Keep your left hand under the table; Sit on it if you have to; Look her in the eye, ask her about work, her hobbies, her favorite McDonald's meal, anything; Put that hand down; You can handle this; She seems to be tolerating you for now; When your order arrives, hand her her burger first; Do get extra ketchup packets and napkins beforehand; Be careful not to spill the soda; Do NOT touch that lock dangling on the side of your face; Don't forget to ask for her number; Good job, you reached for your hair anyway and knocked over the Dr. Pepper; Now she's walking out; Nice job loser; Go through the steps again; Drill it into your head; Do NOT twirl your hair during a date; Do you really want to be the creepy guy everyone avoids?; Who dies at 88, cold and alone?